The Way This Blog Post Looks At Annoying Headlines Probably Won’t Change Your Entire Life
Oh Facebook. Facebook is different from how it used to be. Facebook is that guy that you went to middle school with who was so cool when you met him, but has become more and more annoying over the years. By the time you both graduate college, he just drinks beer and yells about issues he’s never really researched, and you’d rather hang out with your college friends (Twitter and Instagram), the cool artsy kids (Tumblr), or your coworkers (LinkedIn, I guess? I know basically nothing about LinkedIn).
In addition to the contagious disease of becoming dangerously uncool, Facebook has come down with the pox of annoying article sharing. Not all articles shared on Facebook are bad, of course. Alyssa Boutelle just shared an excellent piece by a great author about smart women and fashion, and Lauren Schechter has never given me a Mindy Project list I didn’t love. But I see a problem with the headlines of most articles widely shared on my Facebook feed. Here, let me ‘splain.
These are four headlines gleaned from my friends’ pages on March 6, 2014:
“This Adorable 3-Year-Old Girl Will Give You The Lesson Of A Lifetime”
“40 Must-See Photos From The Past. #5 Is Insane.”
“Troubled 10-Year Old Brings Drill Sergeant Close To Tears With Just 2 Words”
“6 Things Every Extrovert Secretly Has To Deal With”
See the pattern? Here are four more from the March 6 front page of article-giant/repeat offender Upworthy:
“See A Guy Get Cussed Out And Handcuffed For The Exact Same Thing Another Guy Totally Gets Away With”
“Watch A Powerful Twist Happen As This Girl Grows Up A Second Per Day”
“Here Are Some Posters For The Men Who Tell Women What To Do Or What They Think Of Them In The Street”
“We’re Still Hooked On A Long-Time Addiction, And The Government’s Not Trying To Stop Us”
And now four more from the March 6 Buzzfeed front page:
“What Happens When Google Doesn’t Think You’re A Human”
“This Touching Chevy Commercial About What It’s Like To Grow Up WIth A Dog Will Make Your Heart Tingle”
“This Incredible App Might Just Make Us All Read Faster”
“This Breakdown Of 165 Actors Portraying U.S. Presidents Is Everything” (Okay so I actually clicked on this one and it was really cool, but that’s irrelevant)
Do you see what I’m talking about? The structure of these headlines is hilarious. Each one entices, seduces, begs you to click on it. They all imply that if you don’t read this article, you will miss out on something everyone else is talking about. Your life will never be complete unless you click and read, or click and watch, or click and skim. What is it even about? You don’t know, and you won’t, unless you click. Click. Cliiiiiiick…..
The technical term for this kind of headline is actually click-bait headline. Once confined to spam emails that fooled a pitiable few, click-bait structure has slowly invaded the titles of what we read every day. There are BuzzFeed and Upworthy headline generators. There’s also a great XKCD comic about this very thing:
Some of the articles mentioned above- especially the Upworthy ones about unfair stereotyping and abusive catcalls- are about very important issues. But the titles prove that the authors of these articles feel like they have to bait you in order to make you care about issues.
Are they right?
It’s a scary question, but a fair one. Our lives are so full and noisy that we rarely have time to dig into a newspaper and find out what is happening in the world. But when we are taking a five minute break between tasks to scroll through Facebook, the idea of a two minute investment that will change your life or blow your mind is a tempting one.
This creates a click-bait mentality. The more that we are fed headlines that entice us this way, the more we feel like we need to be enticed to be interested in something. The title of an article says, “Click me!”, so we start needing other things to say “Read me! Watch me! Listen to me! I’m important!” We’re less likely to pick up something modest or open something that appears slightly dull, simply because it doesn’t scream, “LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME!”
The problem is that some of the best things in life are surprises. The little books with simple covers can be the books that change your life. The movies that got bad reviews could be the movies that challenge your way of thinking. When I first introduced my family to Taco Casa, they scoffed at the idea of eating at a gas station, but it turned out to be an Eby Family Favorite Restaurant™. But most importantly, the quiet and unassuming people could be the very best people you meet. I have a ton of extroverted friends who are glorious and wonderful human beings, but some of the biggest blessings in my life have been the introverts who have the great insight that comes from observing people before speaking. Some of the coolest kids I’ve gotten to invest in at kamp have been the kids who wanted to sit in the outfield and imagine while everyone else was playing kickball. And on the flip side, when I was in Ireland, I felt much shyer than I had ever felt before. Luckily for me, a beautiful angel named Lucy Vernon decided to invite me to KC’s anyway, and she and I became close friends. She remains one of my favorite people in the entire world (literally), and I will forever be grateful that she invested in someone who didn’t have “click-bait allure.”
I’m not saying that things that are big and flashy aren’t worth your time. I mean, come on, we all know how good Marvel movies are. But not everything that is worth your time will be big and flashy. Be on the lookout for those things that don’t beg for your attention. Those things matter too. Sometimes, they matter most.