Silence in the Library

Sometimes things happen in my life and I wonder if I’m living in a sitcom.

One day last fall, I was studying in the Great Reading Room in the library. The Great Reading Room is like a cathedral, with high vaulted ceilings, hundreds of shelves of books lining the walls, and huge, majestic windows on either end. It looks like the Great Hall of Hogwarts. It is breathtaking. 

The Great Reading Room is as silent as it is beautiful. Even the tiniest sound echoes off the walls and ceiling. Never before have I gotten a death glare for turning a page, but now I can safely say that I’ve received several. 

On this particular day, I was reading in the Great Reading Room, making great effort to turn pages as silently as I possibly could. There were about 30 other people in there, spread out at different tables. I looked up, people-watching as I often do, and saw a guy nearby with a computer and headphones in his ears. 

I immediately noticed the problem: the computer and the headphones weren’t connected.

In hindsight, I guess I could have said something. He clearly didn’t notice, and it would have been the decent thing to do. 

Fortunately, I didn’t do the decent thing. I let the poor guy start his music…

A rousing rendition of that classic Black Eyed Peas hit, “My Humps.”

Everyone in the Great Reading Room gaped at him. Remember, these are the people who had been glaring at me for turning pages, and now some poor soul was blaring an ode to Fergie’s lovely lady lumps at top volume.

I think the worst part (other than the song itself) was that this poor guy had no idea what was going on. He just sat there with his headphones in his ears, thinking that the music he heard was coming through them. 

Finally, some girl took mercy on the poor guy. She went over to him, grabbed the headphone plug, and held it up to him, showing him that it was unplugged. The look on his face was both pitiful and priceless. It was somewhere between this:

and this:

and this:

with just a dash of this:

He blushed, plugged in his headphones, sat there for another minute or two, and then packed up and left. The humiliation of being in a room full of people who knew that he was a Black Eyed Peas fan was just too much for the poor guy. 

I often think back fondly on that day. I don’t think that anything that perfectly hilarious will ever happen again in my lifetime. The only thing I can do now is write it down for generations to come.

And if the world ends in 2012, well… at least you get to read about it now. You’re welcome.